In everything give thanks February 26, 2009

So, I’ve been realizing lately that I haven’t been true to the name of this blog. Instead of blooming joy, I’ve been weeding sorrow. So here are some things that I am thankful for:

1. While yes, I miss seeing familiar faces on the television, I can still watch my favorite national shows, and best of all, I’m not yet annoyed by the local commercials. I haven’t seen them enough times to be tired of them yet. And I will probably never again have to hear Billy Fucillo say “Huge” like he’s getting sick: “he-oooooooo-jah!” (for those of you who have never visited Western New York and turned on a television, this is a guy who owns a bunch of car dealerships and loves to talk about how every sale/deal/car is huge).

2. We have more than one bathroom! We could have made do with just 1.5 baths, but the townhouse we bought has 2.5, which is a luxury for us. We have lived in five homes in our married life: a one-bedroom apartment with 1 bath, a five-bedroom house with 1.5 baths, two two-bedroom houses with 1 bath each, and now this three bedroom townhouse with 2.5 baths. When my mom was still here she had her own bathroom to get ready in, and having a master bath is such a nice thing. Our bedroom ends up feeling like a hotel room with way better closet space.

3. Speaking of our home, we have three bedrooms and a finished basement! Our last house had only two bedrooms and an unfinished basement, and it felt crowded. Now, it feels like there is too much space, but I know when my sister, brother-in-law, and their three daughters come to visit us (hopefully in May) we won’t feel like we’re on top of each other. And if God blesses us with children, we will have plenty of room for them and still have space for guests.

4. I can relax and not worry about working right now, because Travis’ salary is sufficient for us to live off of. So I can focus on getting our tax paperwork ready (groan), unpack the house, get everything organized, and have enough energy to cook dinner. Hopefully I won’t set off the smoke detectors again like I did last night. Must remember to turn on the fan before starting the oven – until this stove breaks in, it will probably give off fumes.

5. We have a townhouse – did I mention that? While the outdoor spaces at our last house were beyond beautiful, we rarely enjoyed them. When we bought it, we talked about having breakfast out on the deck in the summer, or playing with the dog in the big side yard, but we never did. We are actually spending more time outside now, because we have to walk the dog instead of putting him out in the yard. And we don’t have to worry about snakes surrounding our house, either. That was the downside of the yard before.

6. I can hold off on getting involved in any areas of ministry, and choose where I want to be serving. I’m thankful that I finally completed DCE certification, but the downside to working for a church is that you don’t get a lot of choice in what you do. Your job description is, at least in part, determined by others. And while I will be fending off weekly requests to join the choir for a while, I still know that I can sign up for areas that interest me.

7. I have never seen my husband more content in his work, or better at it. Since I know he’s been reading this, I figure I should throw him a bone. Travis was never this at peace in his position at our last church, nor did he seem to be able to relax when he worked as a missionary. Now, while I can see he is exhausted (something that might be solved by going to bed earlier), I know he’s not fighting an impossible battle of the wills. Yes, some people disagree with him, but that storm subsided rather quickly because the members of our new church really do respect him.  I don’t think that was ever true of the leadership at our last church.  Well, some of them, anyway.  He’s using his gifts and leadership with a staff of several people and able to shape the ministry in this place with such maturity.  I’ve been surprised and thankful to see that in him.

Adjusting to the changes February 20, 2009

People have asked how I’m doing and if I’m lonely.  Sometimes, but the truth is, I was lonelier during the few weeks before we moved than I am now.  It seemed like all of the people I called “friends” at our last church reacted so badly to the news we were leaving that they shut us out of their lives.  It hurt.  In some ways, though, it made it easier to not be missing them now.  Granted, so much of our lives and routines have changed anyway that I haven’t noticed missing people from my life as much yet.

What I do miss are the things that didn’t change with our last two moves.  We moved to a new house in our old town over a year ago, and before that, when we moved to that town, it was from the same general area.  So the newscasters were the same with each move.  I know that seems like a small thing, but it’s more than that.  I knew how to recognize where we were on the map during the weather.  I had a general idea of which network was the most reliable for covering stories, weather, etc., and which ones were pure fluff.  I knew what time my favorite shows came on during the day (those syndicated shows that are on at different times in different markets).  Now, all of that has changed, so the only familiar thing is Matt Lauer & company in the mornings.  And even that is different – the Today show moved to having four hours in the last couple of years, but here they do three hours together, stick in an hour of local stuff, then come back with a delayed broadcast of Kathy Lee & Hoda.  Now, none of this is that big of a deal, but it strikes me as the real sign that we have left all that is familiar.  I can’t imagine what it’s like to move to a foreign country, where everything changes, from the money to the language (even when you go to an English-speaking country, the lingo changes) to the types of stores and restaurants gets turned upside down.  I’m still dealing with learning my way around the grocery stores and feeling frustrated that I don’t know where I’m going.  I need to thank God that He is with me in the midst of these silly frustrations.  And I know I will look back a year from now thinking, “that really wasn’t a big deal.”

To join or not to join… February 16, 2009

I take so many things personally when it comes to my husband and his ministry.  I worry about him, how he is handling all of the pressures, and it hurts me that people think it’s ok to attack him.  Yet I see so many good things in what is happening, too.

I miss having specific ministry to do, but at the same time, I love having the free time to take care of stuff at home.  So often I ran out of energy after being at church all day, and things at home fell by the wayside.  Now, I’m keeping up with things much better than if we were both working.  I am inquiring into the possibility of teaching online, because I have loved my online education and I am passionate about it being done well.  I’m also hoping to get our house finally unpacked and organized.  I hate not knowing where all of our stuff is or having places to put things.  Right now our office is a disaster area.  I unpacked our books, probably prematurely, but the boxes were in the way and it was easier to put the books on the shelves.  But now that I’m considering re-arranging the bookshelves, that means a lot more work.  I’ve had to learn to not be such a perfectionist.  Unpack first, then rearrange later.  I’ve already reorganized the kitchen three times.  I still have a little more work to do in there to make room for my cookbooks, but otherwise I think it’s done.

While I do all of this unpacking, I have had to deflect recruitment from the church choir and praise team.  Not that I am ultimately opposed to either, but I have learned from experience to wait to join anything at church until I get a better sense of what it means to join it.  Signing up for any ministry as a pastor’s wife is like putting a stamp of approval on it, signed by the pastor.  I don’t want to endorse anything until we have a chance to feel it out.  And not joining is not the same thing as disapproval.  It’s neutral.  I know this seems like a lot of caution for some voluntary things, but when your husband is the senior pastor, joining is not a temporary thing.  It is permanent.  Because once I join something, if I decide to quit later, that is the equivalent to casting disapproval on it.  So I have to be 100% certain that I want to be involved in an area of ministry before I join it.

Transitioning February 10, 2009

I find it strange how attached people get to their way of doing church – not just attached, but entrenched.  We are now moved into our new house, and my husband is into his new ministry and already being confronted by angry complainers.  Some want him to wear robes and keep the worship style the same, others want him to compromise on the Word of God and avoid preaching against “controversial” issues.  As he said to me today, “this church is all over the map!”  It’s not a bad thing, just frustrating.  I am so proud of him that he can handle these things calmly, without reacting in anger.  But it hurts me for him that he’s already, after only two sermons, moved out of the honeymoon and into the thick of it.  I was doing my homework for ChristCare training (a small group ministry at our church – we are training to be leaders) and the reading was all about group development stages.  I think that’s what is happening, but for some reason we jumped immediately to the conflict stage of things.  Well, I’m not entirely sure that I’m involved in the conflict yet.

I worry about this, because there was a time when my husband couldn’t handle this kind of conflict.  He has grown so much, but I wonder where the breaking point is and if Satan is pushing him towards it.  I know he’s stressed, that is evident.  Lord, show me how to help him (and help me to be patient!).