Christian music July 30, 2009

I grew up listening to Christian music, mostly Amy Grant and Kids Praise.  Gotta love Psalty the Songbook!  I didn’t even start to listen to music radio until I was in junior high and rode with friends who begged for it in the car, or attending skating parties (Wang Chung always makes me think of roller skates and disco balls as a result).

I find it strange how the music has changed over time.  For a while it was a handful of artists on the fringe of the music scene, filling a void for people who refused to listen to secular music.  Then artists began popping up who were cleaner imitations of the ones on the radio.  Now we’re into this mix of those and a whole host of worship music that has sprung up in conjunction with the praise worship services that are taking over so many churches.

I struggle with figuring out worship context.  Traditional hymns weren’t always old-fashioned.  In fact, many of the songs Martin Luther wrote were words set to popular bar tunes.  The movie “Sister Act” was all about trying to attract people through more modern styles of worship.  But I wonder sometimes if we just flounder with copying other churches instead of listening to where God would have us go.

I know the style of worship we had at our last church worked for that congregation in that community.  Still does.  But duplicating it here in this community and congregation might not be right.  However, the fact that our praise services sometimes feel over-rehearsed doesn’t always feel right, either.  I like the idea of striking a balance between rehearsal/planning and allowing for the Spirit to move.  Of course, I said that last night during rehearsal and got a couple of weird looks.  It’s something I’m still trying to figure out for myself.

Another piece to this is the question of the worship team simply singing a song without the congregation.  I don’t know if I’m actually opposed to this idea or if it’s leftover from our former praise team leader who was adament about not giving a performance but leading worship (meaning that we invite the congregation to be a part of every song).

I guess the answer lies only with God.  Rather than listening to popular wisdom or other writers or pastors or churches or people, I need to pray and listen to what God is telling me.  Assuming I will continue to lead the team, that is.  We’ll see what happens.

Update July 29, 2009

So, Travis’ dad is doing ok, thanks everyone for the prayers.  I can’t remember the technical terms for it but the doctor went into his arteries with a little camera to attempt to replace the stint.  Apparently it’s so bad that they can’t do it without surgery.  However, the good news is that the surrounding arteries are apparently taking over for it, so his blood flow is good.  They decided to leave things as they are, instead of risking surgery.  Thank you God for taking care of him.

In the meantime, I’m looking forward to a day of doing very little.  I’m pretty tired after not getting a good night’s sleep last night (oh well), so until the worship team practices tonight, I’m just going to bum around the house.  I sometimes feel guilty about days like this, but I guess it’s part of why I’m not working, God knows I need to take them once in a while!  And I’ll have plenty of time to catch up on my list of to-dos next week when Travis is out of town at a conference.  I figure I can clean and cook and all of that, stock the freezer a bit, and maybe get out of the house and do some writing at a coffee shop.

Weird Tuesday July 28, 2009

Most of the time, my weekdays remain virtually the same (at least, Monday through Thursday).  I’ve gotten into my routine, and the only changing factors is whether or not Travis has a meeting at night, what time he will get home in the afternoon, and how much time I will have to make dinner and spend with him before he goes out the door again.

Today was different – he had a doctor’s appointment to the south of us at noon.  Since the church is north of our home, and he was having a stressful night last night (more about that in a minute), I suggested that he sleep in today and go into work after the appointment.  Wonder of wonders, he listened to me!

Needless to say, my usual routine got thrown off a lot today.  I’ve always been one to get things done in the mornings.  It’s just how I am.  When I worked full time, I would wait to eat lunch until I was positively starving and shaking, about 2pm, because I liked stretching my morning out.  Afternoons always seem so long and sleepy to me, and it’s a lot harder to accomplish things.  I do the same thing now, squeezing as much of my to-do list as possible into the pre-lunch hours, even pushing lunch back if necessary.  However, I don’t always tend to accomplish stuff when someone else is near me, unless we are working together on projects.  Since Travis was chilling this morning, I did, too.

Now, for the reason he was stressed last night (and probably is still today):  his dad is having some major medical stuff done today.  The nature of it is such that he may be rushed into emergency bypass surgery, even though his lungs aren’t great and the doctors are nervous about the outcome, but his heart needs it.  So anyway, if you could keep Tom in your prayers, that would be great.  I’ll let you know what happens when I know something.

Meeting up with old members July 27, 2009

Yesterday some people from our old church were passing through, not too far from where we live, so we made arrangements to meet them for dinner.  It was fun to catch up, see how they had changed (one daughter is a zillion times taller than she used to be, the wife’s hairstyle has changed).  These are folks whom we were pretty good friends with – they watched our dog when we were out of town, we sold them our car when we switched to a different one.  We learned that our previous vehicle, which we got rid of because of high gas mileage but they wanted for hauling their camper (it was an suv) got sideswiped by a semi with her in the vehicle – scary stuff!  So our previous car is no more.

Not that we’re upset, we let go of that vehicle a long time ago.  But it is weird to think about the changes we have missed by not being around them on a weekly (or more) basis.  Picking topics to chat about was difficult too, because we didn’t really want to know a lot about what’s going on at the church.  Well, we do, but we know that ethically we can’t really comment so it’s better to not know.  Of course we still learned a few things along the way, but for the most part it’s just a matter of having to release our former congregation into God’s care and know that He will watch out for them despite whatever human nonsense goes on.  We know it was true in God leading us to that church and to this one.  In both cases, my husband wasn’t exactly what the people wanted and the church wasn’t exactly what we expected.  But he and the church were both exactly what the other one needed.  I know God will do the same with their next pastor.

The hardest part about meeting them for a brief dinner is that it felt like we were only just catching up on news when they had to hit the road again.  I don’t begrudge them that – they still had a three hour drive ahead of them.  But it is difficult to see people temporarily and then let them go again.  In some ways it brings up the old feelings of homesickness all over again.  I hate that.  Not that I want to cut them out of my life, but I just miss having people around me who feel like old friends.  I know that will happen again, but in the meantime I just miss them.

trusting church members July 23, 2009

In a conversation last night, I was reminded of some difficulty I have in trusting church members.  We have done outside business with members of our previous congregation and gotten burned before – confidentiallity wasn’t kept, or we received enormous bills after people got upset with things at church (despite offering to do the work for free).  So needless to say, we’re a little hesitant to accept gifts of service from congregational members.

It’s not like every instance has been bad.  At our last house, we had members help us with all kinds of repairs and updates.  Some we had to pay for materials (understandably), some were minor fix-it jobs that we just didn’t know how to handle.  At this church, we’ve already received offers for financial advising, painting, and dog-sitting (not to mention the car that was loaned to us while we were in the process of moving and the home we stayed in waiting to close on our house).  On the other hand, it’s a mutual-help situation, which the church should participate in with everyone.  We have dog-sat, been asked to house-sit (it conflicting with the dog-sitting), and of course, the ongoing presence that is part of my husband’s job but goes above and beyond (such as dinners & parties, church events for the community, and walking with people through the hurts of life).

At times I have felt guilty for receiving the “free” things.  After all, we’re not destitute.  Others less fortunate than us could certainly use the gifts more.  But I know that it comes from a grateful heart, wanting to give back to their spiritual leader.  For that I am thankful.

Unity July 22, 2009

I go back and forth about things like using pre-determined readings at church and which version of the creed/Lord’s prayer should be used.  Ultimately these are decisions that are not up to me, but I have found myself in situations that have called for me to have an opinion about them.  Today I am merely sharing my thoughts on it, though.

One of the things I wonder about is whether using the “King James” style of Lord’s prayer (complete with “thee” and “thy”) is useful.  On the one hand, the children of our congregation have been memorizing it that way for years.  So there is an educational impact to changing it.  There is also something sacred-sounding to the language, taking you into another time and place and invoking images of soaring cathedral ceilings and stained glass and chanting.  Or maybe that’s just me.

On the other hand, there is the impact it can have on those outside of the church.  The reason so many people are intimidated by Shakespeare in school is because the language is more difficult to understand.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard it referred to as “Old English,” a pet peeve of mine because Old English is technically another language altogether, needing translation.  It’s what Beowulf was written in.  King James style English is modern English.  Anyway, tangent over.

What does it say about mission that we don’t adapt our service wording in all aspects to those who may be unchurched?  Then again, how much should we change for the sake of those who are not already accustomed to it?  And is it more important to teach them and hold to our traditions, knowing that having some traditional aspects to the faith gives it more creedence in the eyes of an outsider?

Part of the reason I’m thinking about this is because my husband chooses not to followed the prescribed readings for the church year.  He chooses to preach more thematically and select readings that fit the theme of the day.  I don’t argue with that approach.  In fact, until today I never understood the argument for the other side of the equation, to be joined with the rest of the church on earth in the same readings, which connects us to other Christians around the world.  To me, that is the reason why we continue to use the Lord’s Prayer and the creeds.  But I see a new element to the debate now.

I’ve been doing my daily devotions lately from the daily lectionary, a set of prescribed readings for each day throughout the year.  Some follow the church year, others, the calendar.  What I have found is that when I am connected to other Christians in this way, the text is opened up for me more fully.  That is because my husband also uses these for his personal devotional time and usually writes a weekly devotion based on one or two of the readings.  In addition, one of the blogs I follow also commented on one of the readings for this week.  So I found myself thinking more in-depth about the Word of God from being exposed to the same passage a few times over.  That’s important.  God opening His Word to me is a good thing.

Professional stuff July 21, 2009

As I have delved into my new routine, getting used to the whole not-working thing, I’m starting to figure out that the best thing for me to do is focus on the house in the morning and my professional-ish stuff in the afternoons.  That includes preparing for a Bible study I will be teaching this fall, practicing piano, blogging, and other writing activities.  I think it will be good for me.  I keep thinking I should maybe look for a job, but I don’t really want to.  Then instead of being in charge of my time, I’m at the mercy of my employer.

Thank you to everybody who left comments about yesterday’s post.  I think I will at least apply, put my hat into the ring and see if my philosophy of worship leadership is what our congregation is looking for.  At least I know I’m available for it – being the wife of the senior pastor means I’m almost always at church services!  And I will work on my personal self-confidence issues.  Just because someone else disagrees with how I want to run things doesn’t mean I have to bow to their preferences.  That’s what my biggest problem was when I was leading education at our last church.  I got intimidated by a couple of people who had other opinions and I gave way to them.  Once I did that, my leadership was done.  I couldn’t accomplish anything because I was undermined at every turn, not in vindictive ways, but the people who had other ideas would speak up and I would give in.  It’s a lot easier to go in with the knowledge that you have clearance to do what you think is best.  I didn’t feel that way at our last church.  I felt more like I was being paid to supplement my husband’s salary and pick up a few tasks that no one wanted to volunteer for.

I guess I’d better find out what’s involved to apply for the position.  I don’t exactly have a music resume.  That’s one of those self-confidence things I’m nervous about, because my musical skills are sub-par.  Well, I know I can sing, but I don’t have credentials.  Makes for a pathetic resume.

Not that it’s stopped me before.  I got my first full-time job with just a bachelor’s degree and little work experience under my belt, and was offered a secretarial job later on even though my background was in church ministry.  And I guess my background and willingness to teach does stand for something.  If the church wants me to lead, I can do it.  If they don’t, that’s their choice, and I will be fine with it.

Isn’t it funny how often I keep coming back to the topic of vocation?

Leading worship July 20, 2009

I started singing with the praise team at church recently.  This is something I was heavily involved in at our last church, and am now finally doing again (I missed it a lot!).  Yesterday I sang lead, which is sort-of a way of leading worship, though because the praise service is a bit more low-key than a lot of churches, it basically means I sang soprano and often times my voice was predominant.  We’re in the process of looking for new leadership in our church’s music, both traditional and praise, and the subject has come up that I should apply for the praise team leader.  Yesterday when we talked about it (my husband, myself, and a couple of the team members) I said I didn’t feel like I was qualified.  I know I can sing and pick music, even help with the computer side of things, but that my musical abilities were limited and I don’t have a lot of knowledge/experience in instrumental music, though I’m learning.  One of the people was encouraging, but another member of the team said something that has been sticking in my brain ever since:  “There’s a big difference between singing and leading.”  I don’t think he meant it as a slight to me, though I’m also not 100% sure that he would be willing to accept me as a leader either.  I got the impression during the preparation for yesterday’s service that he would rather I didn’t pick the music.

I know that I’m taking what he said way too personally, but this is something I’m struggling with.  Should I apply and go through the interview process?  Should I just keep my head down and stop wishing that I had abilities that I don’t possess?  I am sure my husband will comment on this post and be encouraging (thanks, honey) but the truth is, I’m having trouble tapping into what God is saying about all of this.  When I was leading worship yesterday, I couldn’t bring myself to look at the people, for fear that they weren’t singing or didn’t like the songs.  I have always been afraid to speak during worship, either to share a verse of a Psalm or to lift up a prayer to heaven.  That kind of practice would have been more acceptable at our last church than here, and I never had the courage to do it there.  So I believe him when he said there’s a difference between singing and leading.  I also struggle with standing up for myself, my convictions, and my opinions when faced with people who are older, more experienced, more talented, or all three.  And I spent most of the service yesterday sweating over the music and timing, something I never really had to do before, I just felt the music and sang. I find myself wondering where the line is between humility and lack of courage.

At the same time, my devotion today focused on the difference between joy and happiness.  As most of you know, the focus of my life for the last couple of years has been joy.  This devotion pointed out that joy is found only in Jesus Christ, and asked the question, “where do you experience that joy most in your life?”  The answer that came to me immediately was “in leading worship through singing.”  I’m still praying and listening for God’s voice on this one.  I get the sense that he’s leading me in this direction, but I’m not sure yet.  It certainly makes it difficult to sleep at night.

The dentist… July 16, 2009

Thanks, Dad.  I inherited your tendency to gray and your rotten teeth.  I’m so thrilled to have this legacy from you.

Yes, I’m already finding gray hairs, but that’s the least of my concerns.  I went to the dentist yesterday.  Back in May I had my exam, complete with xrays, digital pictures, etc.  This was the follow-up and cleaning.  The cleaning itself was fine, pretty standard actually.  But the diagnosis was not pretty.  I have teeth that are super-susceptible to decay.  Lucky me!  And I have 15 cavities that need to be taken care of.  And because of the root canal I already had this year, I’ve used up my dental insurance.  Thankfully the dentist is giving me a break on the cost, but it’s still going to be several appoints and lots of money.  Oh, joy.

The good news is, the dentist is a member of our church and a really nice guy.  He and his practice are also very good, which has been a blessing.  In the past, my dentist would just say, “you need to lay off drinking pop” and leave it at that.  I actually got a host of helpful instructions yesterday, all about acidic foods and drinks, when to brush, how to floss, what steps to take to ensure that my dental health gets better.  Many of the steps are ones I’ve already taken, and others are easy to implement.  Hopefully next year when I have my exam things will be better than they are now.  Otherwise we’ll be taking out a second mortage to pay for my teeth!

I am very thankful, though.  I don’t tend to have a lot of health problems.  I’ve never had a surgery (unless you count my wisdom teeth being removed), never had an extended hospital stay.  I don’t remember even having to personally go to the emergency room, although I’ve gone with others plenty of times.  So if this is the medical expense that I have to deal with, so be it.  God has blessed me in lots of other ways.  My husband has had more of the medical issues, so as my friend Becky said last night, I’m taking one for the team.  I can’t really complain (but I probably will when I’m numbed and hearing the drill!).

New Member Welcome July 15, 2009

So this past Sunday was the official “new member welcome” at church.  Towards the end of both services the new member came up, answered three questions (I believe the answers were “yes,” “yes, with the help of God,” and “I do so intend with the help of God,” although maybe not in that order), and then received packets.  Even though we’ve been at the church since the end of January, I got to go up for it.  I guess I didn’t technically have to, but during the early service only one other new member was present, so I told him in advance I would go up with him so he wouldn’t be alone.

This morning I finally opened up the packet to see all of the information enclosed.  A cover letter, forms to fill out, a history of our church, the consistution and bylaws and the policy for working with youth are all part of it.  Very thorough, almost information overload.  I was laughing about the forms – name, address, phone, etc. for the directory, plus willingness to get involved in church activities and basics like baptism and confirmation dates.  I laughed because most of that info is stuff they have already for us.  Then I turned back to the cover letter to find a note written by the office administrator, saying it wasn’t all necessary but she wanted us to have it to see what they give out.

It is a delicate line to balance between being a member of the church and being the pastor’s wife.  I constantly struggle with knowing where to get involved, and how much to get involved.  It’s a lot harder to detatch from a ministry when you aren’t just a member.  Of course, I think the more involved members have the same struggle of detatching from expectations when they’ve been doing something for a long time.  For example, every church has that team of two or three people who ALWAYS do crafts for VBS.  What if one summer they were all busy that week?  This is true for many ministries at church – once you get involved, you can’t get out unless you have a REALLY good reason.  I do like that at our new church there is a quicker turnover for leadership.  I’m not sure what the exact term is but I think it’s 2-3 years and that’s it, no serving a second term.  Our last church had three years per term, maximum of two terms, but almost everyone would run again unopposed so the leadership rarely changed.  Not a good system, in my opinion.  Creates stagnation of ideas.

So I guess I’m OFFICIALLY a member of Gloria Dei.  Good thing, since I’m not going anywhere and I’m already signed up for serving in a few areas.